Yay! wow, I really do feel special, and not like the 'retarded child’ kinda special, but like, special special! if that makes sense at all... -Andrea
My eyes reluctantly opened.
It was still dark outside, so I had no idea why the hell I was awake. I tried to roll over, but the piercing on the top of my right ear and the pain in my shoulder made me stop. I just stared at the wall until I decided that I should try to go back to sleep. I closed my eyes slowly, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over me. Behind my closed eye lids I could see the events of the day.
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"You're trash, you know that? Trash!" my older sister Alice yelled, throwing the large glass plate she had been holding at me.
I dodged it easily, the plate hitting the ground three feet from where I stood and exploding into a million sharp fragments around my feet. I suddenly wished I was in the habit of wearing shoes while I washed the dishes.
I rolled my eyes at her.
"How dare you, you little cow!" she shreiked as she threw a spoon at me, this time it hit my toe.
"Ouch" i said sarcastically, trying to keep the tears at bay by acting like I didn't care.
She screamed some odd profanity at me that I had never heard before. I filed it away for future use.
"He was mine! MINE!" her voice rose a few octaves each word. "He said he loved me!"
"No he didn't. Besides, he's 3 years younger than you!! And what about your boyfriend? What would he think if he found out that you had been with another guy??" I countered.
Her face immediately went white. I almost regretted bringing him up. Tom: the stereotypical abusive boyfriend. Her temper seemed to be taken down a few notches.
"You know exactly what he would have done you little backstabbing loser. The same thing he does all the time." she hissed venomously.
I grimaced at the thought. I did know what he would do. She still had the scars to prove it.
Suddenly the door behind us burst open. My sister subconsciously cowered towards the cabinets. She knew that sound all too well: Tom bursting through the door, drunk and ready to hit whatever was in his way... Which was usually her.
My older brother Daniel walked in, talking on his cell phone.
"Don't tell him anything." she mouthed silently to me. I nodded. She let her hair out of the elastic band to cover the bruise on the back of her neck. He looked over at us and smiled, then noticed the broken glass on the floor.
"Oh, one second, Dallas." he covered the mouthpiece of his phone with his hand "Girls, don't move. I'll go get a broom and mop!" I smiled and thanked him. "Anyways, as I was saying, this weeks science test is gonna be really hard...." he walked into the laundry room to get what he needed. Alice shot a pleading look in my direction and followed him out the door. Not a word would be said about this later. I already knew that.
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I opened my eyes again. I could have sworn I heard something. I listened intently for a few seconds, heard nothing, and closed my eyes again.
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"Dinner's served!" I yelled into the living room. My brother and sister came into the room.
"Mmmm, smells good Lexie!" my brother Daniel said, picking a piece of bacon out of the Phyllo Squares.
"Don't touch!" I scolded, trying to keep a straight face.
"Yeah Dan, just cuz Mom and Dad are out of town doesn't mean that you can take a break from manners!" Alice slapped his hand.
We all sat down and passed the plates of food around.
"Wow Lexie, we should send Mom and Dad out of town more often! You cook better than Mom can any day!" he laughed
"I'll tell her you said so!" I threatened lightly.
"You wouldn't dare! You love me too much to get me into trouble!" he picked a piece of the dough off of the food on my plate. We all laughed, and then lapsed into silence as we ate our food.
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My eyes flew open again. What was wrong with me??
'It must just be my imagination running away with me. I know Mom and Dad are gone and feel insecure about being home without them' I silently told myself.
I was getting so good at lying to myself, I believed it without questioning myself.
My eyes fluttered shut.
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The dinner table was cleared and all three of us were doing our own separate thing. Alice was watching her soap operas, Daniel was in his room studying with his friend Paul, and I was in the office playing on the computer. I heard the pleasant dinging sound on my computer that meant that I had received an instant message.
I clicked the blinking orange rectangle at the bottom of my screen.
"Hey Lexxi!" Sagittarius91 wrote. Him. I didn't know who he was... he had added me and told me that he was a friend of a friend. We hardly ever spoke.
"Hey Sagittarius. how r u?" I hit send
"gd gd, ty. hey, question. where iz ur bf?" I stared at the screen for a few seconds before replying.
"@ home, y?"
"jst wndring. u sure bout that?"
"no. y?" I started getting a bit suspicious.
"i hve insider info bout Aaron. dnt call, jst go vsit him. u'll be suprised" he sent me a wink face and signed off.
I sat dumbfounded.
What the hell was that about?
I quickly slipped on a jacket and my shoes and walked out the door.
Aaron lived only a few blocks away, and even though the walk to his house was short, by the time I got there my head was filled with doubts.
I walked up to the door and was just about to knock when, on a split decision, decided to go to his little sisters' room and crawl through their window. The twins were fast asleep, so I crept through their room and out into the hall.
The house was absolutely silent, but I wasn't worried because I knew that his parents had gone out to dinner and he would then be babysitting the twins. I silently crept down the hall until I got to his door.
My heart was beating so hard that I was sure he would be able to hear it.
I closed my eyes and knocked quietly.
"Megg?? Sara?? Uhm, what do you want?" His voice sounded a bit shaky as he called to his sisters. I knocked again, then slowly tried to turn the doorknob. It was unlocked.
"Aaron, it's me." I said as boldly as I could and opened the door.
I wasn't ready for what I saw.
Aaron was sitting on the couch in his room watching T.V....
With his arm around Ivy Porter, the one girl in our whole class that I was even slightly jealous of. She was perfect: long blond hair with a slight curl at the tips, deep blue eyes, and a model-like body. Not to mention the fact that her long, polished fingers were entwined with my boyfriend’s.
I suddenly felt like I might puke.
Aarons eyes got really big.
So did mine.
"Lexie... I... I...." He quickly stood up, letting Ivy's hand drop.
"Don't even try, Aaron. I don't care." I backed up, meaning to shut the door behind me. I, of course, had already closed the door, so I had to re-open the door before I could slam it.
"Lexie!" he shouted through the door.
I was already out the door and down the steps by the time he caught up with me.
"Lexie! Please!" Aaron sounded desperate. For some reason I turned around. His eyes were pleading.
"What do you want?" My voice shook.
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This time I knew I heard something. I sat up in bed, feeling slightly dizzy. My eyes felt sore and puffy. I tried to remember what my mom said to do that time when Billy made me cry in the second grade..... Cold water on a cloth.
Right.
I got up and walked to the bathroom down the hall.
I could hear Danny and his friend Paul talking in his room.
"Danny, focus! We need to get these formulas down. Dallas isn't here to kick our butts, so we need to do this ourselves." Paul's deep laugh always made me laugh.
I could hear someone get pelted with a pillow.
"Dude, you're the one who keeps on leaving!" Daniel laughed. I could hear Paul smack him.
I kept walking down the hall.
After 15 minutes in the bathroom my eyes looked normal, but I was still slightly in denial.
How could he do that to me?
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"Lexi, it's not what you think!" Aaron reached for my hands, his eyes holding mine. It was so hard not to melt under his gaze. His hair was blowing around his face in typical the movie-like fashion.
"Really? Then what was it? Were you two just having a 'study session'?" I could feel the tears welling up threatening to spill out.
He saw the weakness and played on it.
"Yeah, baby, she was the one on me! Not the other way around." He entwined his fingers with mine. I envisioned Ivys fingers where mine were.
And 'baby'. He called me 'baby'?! He knows how much I hate it when he does that...
Despite that, I could feel myself caving in. He knew me too well. He knew how easily I could believe his lies.
"Lexi, you know I would never do this to you. You know that! I love you too much. She's an attention whore."
I turned away. Something…
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I heard a noise behind me, and when I turned around I ran right into Paul.
His large body took up the door frame, so there was no way of getting around him.
"In a bit of a rush, are we??" he asked playfully, wrapping his arms around me. I flinched slightly. He didn't notice. I found that it was surprisingly difficult to come up with a witty response while being held captive against his chest. When I looked up to give him a clever put down, I saw 'the Smile' : his signature move that was known to break girls hearts. I laughed despite myself.
"Let go of me you big goon!" I tried to shove him away, but then realized how much bigger he was then me. He laughed at my wasted effort.
"How many times have I told you that it's rude to shove?" He asked, gently tugging my hair that was braided down my back.
"Obviously not enough!" I grunted with the effort of pushing him away. He didn't budge. "Daniel!! Get your big -mphmmgh" Paul covered my mouth with his huge hand. I couldn't speak, even when he had taken his hand away because I was laughing so hard. It hurt my throat. I heard Daniel walk into the hallway.
"Paul leave my baby sister alone!" He threw something at Paul, which made a dull 'whump' sound when it hit his back.
I was laughing, and it felt good despite the pain.
"Hey!" I protested, "I'm not a baby anymore, Mr. Diapers-until-he-was-five-years-old!" I tried to squirm out of Pauls grasp to turn around and give Daniel a dirty look, but Paul wouldn't have that. He carefully hoisted me up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Put me down you Neanderthal!" I said, lightly beating his back with my fists.
"Paul, grow up!" my brother laughed and ducked into his room, and just before he closed the door, he shouted "and that was because the doctor said that I didn't have the proper control over my bladder to not wear them!"
Paul stopped and turned around.
"Ew." he said, shaking his head.
"Tell me about it." I giggled.
Paul turned back around and carried me into my room.
"Put me down, dorkus!" I said, still laughing.
He carefully swung me off of his shoulder and dropped me on my bed, still keeping a hold on my hands like cuffs. He accidentally elbowed my side and I involuntarily squeaked.
“Ticklish?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as a sly look went into his eyes. He quickly gathered both of my hands into one on his.
"Paul, don't you dare." I warned him.
"And why shouldn't I?" He asked, his pointer finger poised just below my rib cage.
"Paul, seriously, I'll have to beat you if you even think about it."
"Think about what? THIS?" He asked as he jabbed my finger into my side. I squealed and laughed.
"Or this?" He tickled my ribs. It started to get hard to breathe. The laughter was hurting my throat really badly.
"Paul!" I gasped, laughing still, trying to free my hands from his strong grip. "Paul, go away!" I succeeded in freeing one of my hands, and I hit his shoulder.
"Go way you big thug!" I kicked him off of my bead.
He stood up, picked my bathroom towel off of the back of a chair, and dropped it on my head.
"Jeez Lexie, you should be sleeping! Gosh. Go to sleep little girl!" He smiled that smile again.
"I hate you." I said jokingly, trying not to smile.
"And that's okay, cuz hate means fear which in the end means love." He smiled hugely and winked.
"In your dreams." I threw a stuffed animal at him.
"Fine" I'm going!" He backed up with his hands raised.
“Wait…” I said before he left my door. “Are you always this annoying?” I did my best to sound exasperated.
"I only annoy the people I love!" he said, slamming the door behind him.
I smiled to myself.
Paul.
Daniel, Paul, and Dallas had all been friends since the fourth grade when they all got detention for not only gluing their teacher to his seat, but gluing all of the chairs in the whole middle school... even their own. It took them their entire lunch break to do it. They still laugh about it to this day. They're legends in the Point View Primary and Secondary.
Thankfully, they have grown up since then.
Not much, but a little.
Dallas was in Mexico on a trip with his youth group, so he wasn't there that night.
My mind drifted and my eyes reluctantly closed.
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"Lexie, come on! You know I would never cheat on you. You are special to me! I could never let you go."
My resolve, my anger, my outrage; it all started to dissolve. He knew how to 'handle' me. He did it all the time. He learned how to do it a while ago.
It started small, like not calling when he said he would. He dismissed it, so I did too. But then it gradually got worse. He stopped calling, using only text messages, and I if I wanted to get a hold of him I'd have to call him. Then he stopped picking me up from school. He used to at least text me to tell me he wouldn't be able to make it, and then he just stopped texting me all together. I had thought that maybe it was just financial. Maybe he was trying to save on gas and cell minutes. But then I saw that his father bought a brand new Lamborghini. I then brought it up with him.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to abandon you, I've just been really busy." He then pulled me close and looked deep into my eyes. "Forgive me?" I had melted under his gaze. Of course I would forgive him.
Aaron.
My perfect boyfriend. He couldn't do any wrong.
He squeezed my hands.
Something was tugging at the back of my mind. This all reminded me of something. I turned my face away from him.
"Aaron..."
He roughly yanked on my arms.
"Look at me when you speak to me!" he growled, grabbing my face and turning it towards him.
I just stared at him. I felt like he'd slapped me. I suddenly remembered why this all seemed so familiar.
This is how it started with Tom and Alice 3 yeas ago.
I pulled away from him. He wouldn't let my arms go.
"Aaron, let go of me." I said in a low voice.
"Or what, buttercup? Hm? What are you going to do if I don't?" He tried to make it sound playful, but I could hear the real threat in his voice.
"Just let me go, please." I tried to sound calm, but I could feel the panic rising in my voice.
"Baby, I-"
"DON'T call me that!" I blurted out.
He almost raised his hand to strike me, but I saw him catch himself just in time.
He could see the situation turning sour. There was no way he couldn't have. But he still tried his old trick.
"I'm so sorry. You're so beautiful. It was all her fault Lexibear! I love you so much. Will you please forgive me?" He caught my gaze and held it, giving me his puppy dog eyes. I felt myself crumbling all over again.
I suddenly felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
A text message.
Aaron looked frustrated.
“Lexxi, don’t do it. You can do so much better. Sag91.” I read.
I suddenly felt my courage rise.
“Lexie, back to us.” I could hear the tension in his voice only partially covered.
“Aaron, no.” I pulled my hands out of his as roughly as possible. I wanted his hands to burn with the empty feeling of not having me there with him.
“And do you know what else?! You can have…..” my voice trailed off. Aarons face had gone red with anger. I suddenly felt very small.
He balled his right hand into a fist. I was afraid of him for the first time.
Before he could do anything with that fist, a panicked cry came from his sisters’ room. He unclenched his fist.
“This isn’t over.” He shouted over his shoulder, running towards his sister’ room.
“Yes it is” I said quietly to myself as I turned away with tears running down my cheeks.
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“Lexie? Are you okay?” Someone was stroking my now damp forehead.
“Go away, Aaron!” I sobbed into my pillow.
“Aaron?” I recognized my brothers now-furious voice. “Paul!”
Paul came running in.
“What happened?” He heard my sobbing. “Dan, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, but it has something to do with that dead-beat Aaron.”
I heard Paul inhale sharply. “I swear, if he did anything to her, I’ll personally kick his scrawny ass, “Paul threatened.
Daniel gathered me into his arms. My hand fluttered up to my neck without meaning to. He noticed.
“Paul, turn on her lamp.” He said softly.
Paul quickly obeyed.
Daniel took my hand away from my neck and I felt him tense. He must have seen the finger marks there.
“I’m going to kill that little punk.” Daniel said quietly.
“What did he do?” Paul was leaning over me. I was still crying, but not as hard.
“Oh my god." Paul muttered. "What did he do to you?" Paul sounded horrified.
He was taking it harder than Daniel was.
I started crying even harder and trembling.
"Paul, take her." Daniel said.
Paul came and scooped me up and held me close. His warm arms were reassuring.
I heard Daniel storm out of the room, punching something on his way down the hall.
Paul sighed.
I turned my face into his shoulder to muffle the sobs.
"What happened?" He asked, lightly kissing my forehead.
I thought about it for a minute. "It was an accident." I managed to choke out.
But he knew as well as I did that it wasn't.
Paul gently laid a hand on my shoulder.
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"HEY! Get your ass back here!" Aaron shouted at me.
I was already half way home when he caught up to me. He grabbed my ponytail and roughly turned me around. He had a horrid fire in his eyes.
"You left my sisters windows open." He spat.
I'd never seen him so angry before.
"Sorry Aaron." I mumbled, looking down.
I was backing up towards the fence of a backyard. I glanced behind me to see if i could jump it, but quickly gave it up. It was taller than me.
Aaron cornered me and kicked the fence inches away from where my right leg was.
I took a small step backwards and my back was then officially against the wall. I started to panic.
"Now," he huffed, breathing heavily. "You'll come with me, and I’ll show you how much I love you." He smiled impishly, trying to conceal the malicious glint in his eye.
"No." I croaked, my throat suddenly dry.
Anger flashed across his face. "What do you mean, 'no'?" He challenged, taking a step towards me.
"I have to get home..." I responded weakly.
---------------------------------------------
"No it wasn't!" Paul exclaimed. I looked up at him in shock.
"What do you mean?" The sobs had quieted down, but I couldn't stop my tears.
"I know Aaron. He didn't do this by accident. What happened?" He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and a whimper escaped my lips.
I hid my face in his shoulders again when he lifted the sleeves up on my shirt to look at my arms, seeing the finger marks there, too.
"Oh my god Lexie! What did he do to you? Did he hurt you anywhere else?"
I nodded and adjusted myself so that my back was facing him. I reluctantly lifted the back of my shirt, showing him the deep purple bruise. He lightly traced the shape that covered my whole shoulder blade.
"Yeah, interesting evening." I said between the hiccups.
Daniel burst through the door, scaring me and making me jump.
"I need to know exactly what happened." He said after he had saw my arms and shoulder.
I leaned against Paul's chest and sighed.
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"NO! Come on." He said, tightly gripping the top of my arms.
I fought against him with all of my might.
"Aaron, please!" I pleaded. "I have to get home. My brother will be looking for me. My sister is waiting for me so I can help her with a poem. I-"
He slapped me. Not hard, but enough to sting.
"Shut. Up." He said as calmly as he could. He sighed. "I'm sorry for hitting you. I just want you to come back so we can talk."
I shook my head and shrugged, trying to get him to let go of the vice grip he had on my arms. It was really hurting. Burning.
I took a small step forward so I was about a foot from the fence. He still wouldn't let go.
"Aaron!" I shouted, kicking out and trying to hit him, but only grazing his thigh. This made him furious.
He lunged at me, his right hand grabbing my throat and slamming me against the fence with such force that it made me dizzy.
His fingers tightened against my throat. I couldn't breathe, and my cough reflex was in action.
"Alexis, if you ever do that again I will hurt you." he growled, letting me go.
I sank down to the floor in a terrified heap.
"We're through." He stated.
He struck out at me with his foot, but I turned just in time for his blow to land on my right shoulder blade. I was just happy that he didn’t know about my ear piercing. I shuddered at the thought of how much it would hurt it he kicked me there.
I sat there for a while, miserable, scared, and in pain.
Aaron had walked away into the waiting arms of Ivy, I was sure.
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Tears started running down my cheeks.
“It was my fault. I snuck into his house and caught him with another girl. He got angry. He-“ I choked on my words.
Daniel got up and started pacing around the room.
“I’m gonna wring his skinny neck…” he mumbled, every once in a while cracking a knuckle.
I quietly watched him pace.
Paul shifted under me and accidently bumped my shoulder. I flinched and he felt it.
“Sorry.” He murmured, carefully rubbing my back.
I closed my eyes.
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I sat there for a long time. My neck burned. My arms throbbed. My shoulder ached. Tears hadn’t come yet because I was still in shock.
I heard someone approaching. I tried to get up too quickly, but dizyness overcame me and I ended falling back down.
An elderly couple walked by.
“It so sad to see today’s youth like this: drunk and high.” The lady said, walking quickly by me.
I almost laughed. It would have been funny if it weren’t so humiliating.
I got up more slowly that time. I put my left arm out to steady me and was met with a dull,
throbbing pain.
I realized that I was starting to shake, and I didn’t know whether it was from cold, exhaustion, or shock.
I decided that it was from all three.
I heard someone running up behind me, and I reluctantly turned around.
Just to see Aaron charging at me at full speed.
I turned away and started running towards home. He caught up to me just before I reached my porch.
“Lexie, if you tell anyone about what happened, trust me, you’ll regret.” He looked me in the eye. “Got it?”
I nodded, feeling the tears about to come. I held them back, refusing to let him see my cry.
“Good.” He said, turning and walking away.
Only when we was just a dark silhouette did I let myself break down. I started crying right then and there in front of my house.
“Hello? Is someone there?” It was my sisters voice.
“Just me.” I called, trying to speak through the tears.
“Lexie?” She asked stupidly.
“No, it’s the milkman. Need room service?” I sarcastically replied, my throat burning and making me sound like a smoker.
She got off the couch and locked the door from the inside.
“Bitch.” I mumbled.
I didn’t have keys, so I had to go to the back door.
Thankfully, it was open. If she had locked that too, I would have lost it.
I let myself in and slammed the door.
I turned my head too quickly and immediately regretted it. My throat was really sore. I put some water in the kettle and put it on to boil.
“Hey Lexie, why did you go through the back door? Was the front locked or something?” Alice snickered.
“Shut up.” I grumbled, getting some chamomile tea out from the cupboard. I put it in a cup and poured the water.
“Hey, can you make me some tea?” Daniel called down the stairs.
He’s amazing. He can smell food from a mile away.
“Tea for two!” He called down again.
I put more water in the kettle and set it on to boil.
“It’s in the kettle, and the teabags are in the cupboard.” I hoarsly called down the hall as I walked into my room and closed the door.
“I know where the tea is! I’m not a retard!” he shouted down jokingly.
Tears were still running down my cheeks.
I lifted off my shirt in front of the mirror and gasped. My right shoulder blade was almost entirely covered with the beginning of a nasty bruise. The tops of my arms had finger marks around them. My neck was what scared me the most, though. It would be hard to hide what looked like burn marks with makeup.
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Daniel punched his left fist into the palm of his right hand.
Paul carefully scooped me up and laid me on my bed.
“When did all of this happen?” He asked, kneeling in front of me.
Daniel walked over to my window and opened it.
“Tonight. After dinner.” I admitted.
Daniel turned around.
“Lexie, I didn’t even know you were gone. Something far worse could have happened to you, and I wouldn’t have known where to find you. If something happened to you…” he trailed off, a threat very apparent in his voice.
Paul took my hand in his.
“Lexie, I’m so sorry this happened.” He bowed his head and pressed my hand to his forehead. I felt really bad for him.
“It’s not your fault,” I said, stroking his auburn hair. “It was mine. I should have seen this coming.”
He looked up at me, his hazel eyes looking straight in to my red, puffy eyes.
“There’s no way you could have seen this coming. Ivy is a snake. She goes in without warning. And trust me, boys are stupid and weak.”
He said that with such conviction that I could have laughed.
But I didn’t, because he was right.
Boys are stupid.
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I slipped on a top with loose sleves long enough to cover the marks, took a sip of my tea, sat on my bed, and started sobbing. Everything had suddenly become clear.
My neck, my arms, my neck; they all meant one thing.
He left me…
He left me!
He. Left. Me.
I kept repeating that to myself.
He cheated on me, and he left me.
There was a knock on my door.
“Who is it?” I tried to make my voice strong, but it came out strangled and cracked.
“Dan.” He said, slowly opening the door a sliver.
“What’s up?” I asked, coughing. Aaron really hurt my throat.
“Um… where did you say the tea was?” he asked through the door.
I could hear Paul laughing in the background.
“In the pantry. Beside the hot chocolate and marshmallows.” I sighed. My voice sounded horrible.
“Hey… what’s up with your voice?” Daniel asked before closing the door.
“My throat hurts a bit. I think I’m coming down with something.” I rasped a bit.
“Ah! Don’t get me sick!” he screeched, closing the door forcefully behind him.
I heard him and Paul stomp down the stairs and then make fun of Alice for crying over the T.V show and then sing a made up song about marshmallows.
My shoulder started to throb, so I got up and went into the bathroom for an Advil. Every few seconds a pulse of pain would travel through my throat and shoulder and arms.
I went back into my room and gulped some lukewarm tea with the pills and hoped that it would all just go away.
A little while later I woke up to find myself crying in my sleep.
A quiet sob escaped my lips, and a few seconds later I heard a small knock at the door.
“Yes?” my voice cracked.
“It’s Paul. Are you okay?” His concern was very apparent.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks Paul.” I said, trying to disguise the pain in my voice.
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Paul and I both looked up when Daniel sat on the bed beside me.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked him timidly.
“Well, right now, I just really want to kill him.” He admitted with his palms in the air.
Despite everything Aaron had done to me, I think I almost felt sorry for him. Daniel would, and could, kick his butt.
“No, Danny, It was my fault! If I hadn’t been spying on him, none of this would have happened.” My eyes started to fill with tears again.
Daniel threw his hands up and walked out my door.
Paul looked almost exasperated as he pleadingly looked into my eyes.
“No, Lexie. He was cheating on you! Whether you caught him tonight or not, he was still cheating on you. And maybe you wouldn’t have caught him tomorrow, or the next day, but they would have been caught. And it could have been worse. What if Ivy…” He carefully touched my neck where the marks were.
Wait a second….
“How did you know that he was cheating with Ivy?”
----------------------------------------------------
“You don’t sound fine…” Paul said through my door.
“I have a sore throat. I think I’m coming down with something.” I tried to cough, but it hurt too much to force it.
“Are you sure?” He didn’t sound the least bit convinced.
“Yeah.” I croaked.
I could hear him sigh. I knew that he knew that I was lying to him.
“Okay, well…” I heard the hesitation in his voice.
Tears started rolling down my cheeks again, sobs building up in my chest. I felt so bad lying to him, but I knew I couldn’t tell. Who knew what Aaron would do to me.
I was truly scared of Aaron.
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Paul looked at me oddly.
“I just assumed…” he stammered, “she’s usually the culprit…” He looked down at his hands.
Something there didn’t add up. I replayed our conversation back in my head. I had never once said anything about Aaron cheating with Ivy. But somehow he knew.
The jerk knew!
He had even said something about her! Oh, what was it… “Ivy’s a snake. There’s no way you could have seen her coming…”
I looked straight into Paul’s eyes. I was going to get to the bottom on this.
“Lexie? Why are your lights still on…” Alice burst through my door then stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Paul holding my hands, kneeling in front of my bed with me leaning slightly in.
I noticed her eyes were red. She’d been crying.
She stepped back.
Ah, um…” she cleared her throat. “So sorry to interrupt you, but I just… wanted to see what you are doing. Now I see. I’m going back to my room. Good night.” She shot me a meaningful look.
“No, Alice, I…” I tried to explain, but she had already slammed the door.
Paul coughed. “Awkward.” He smiled.
He was trying to distract me.
“Paul-“
“Well Lexie, I need to go make sure your brother doesn’t actually do anything he’ll regret.” He lightly touched my cheek, giving me goose bumps. “We’ll resolve this in the morning. If you need anything, please call me. I’m right next door.” He quickly kissed my forehead and ducked out the door.
I just sat there without moving for a few minutes. The recent turn of events left me speechless.
I eventually, carefully, laid down and closed my eyes.
---------------------------------------------------
“Look, Lexie. I know this is none of my business, but seriously, you don’t sound like yourself. So right now, I’m going to offer myself to you one last time, say goodnight, and walk away.”
The tears were strangling me. What I most wanted at that moment was for him to walk through that door, wrap his arms around me, and tell me that everything was going to be alright.
But I knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.
I’d never give him that chance.
“Thank you so much, Paul, but really.” My voice cracked. “Really, I’m ok. I’ll survive.”
I tried, but I knew I wasn’t fooling him.
“Alright then, good night.” He said with a hint of sadness.
I heard him walk away, and I started crying harder than I had before.
----------------------------------------------------------
For the 6th time that night, I woke up with no clue as to why.
My throat felt a little bit better, my shoulder wasn’t throbbing, but both my spirit and my heart were broken.
I looked at my clock and was surprised to see that it had only been a half hour since Paul left.
And I couldn’t help but feel that there was something off in my room. I faintly saw a shadow resembling a human form standing behind my closed door.
I then remembered that I had hung my bathroom robe up against the door.
Duh.
I felt so frustrated with myself. All of my sadness, hate, love, and spite threatened to spill over. I forced myself to hold it all in.
But that was why I was so frustrated with myself!
I longed to be strong, independent and invincible, but in reality I was weak, dependant, and vulnerable.
My frustration went deeper.
I was frustrated that I hadn’t seen this coming. I was frustrated that I let him get to me. I was frustrated that the only guy who could have made this all better seemed to be in on it.
And most of all, I was frustrated because I couldn’t do anything about it.
Tears were spilling out and rolling down my cheeks.
A sudden sob burst out.
I didn’t try to stop the tears, but I did try to control the volume of my crying.
I carefully rolled over so that I was facing the wall and buried my face in my pillows.
A minute passed, and I didn’t feel like letting go yet. I was cleansing myself.
I heard a small noise but didn’t turn around. I thought it was the cat.
But when two strong, warm arms wrapped themselves around me, and when a warm, strong body pulled me close, I somehow knew it wasn’t the cat.
He quietly petted and stroked my hair while soothingly murmuring something. I turned and buried my face in his broad chest.
He silently held me, making everything seem better.
I gradually quieted.
He rested his head on mine.
“Better?” He asked.
I nodded. “Thanks.”
“I’m so sorry” He said, and I realized that the whole time, that is what he had been saying.
“Why are you sorry, Paul?” I sighed. “As I said before, it’s not your fault.”
He took a deep breath. “But what if it was, in a weird way?” He asked, ashamed.
“Depends,” I said, wiping my tears on his shirt. “How was it your fault?”
“I’m so sorry Lexie,” He said again. “I had just found out. But I could have told you a little gentler.” He sounded contrite.
I drew a shaky breath.
“You… could have told me more gently… so that means…” I connected the dots. “You’re Sagittarius91, aren’t you?”
He nodded.
A bunch of conflicting emotions ran through me: confusion and clarity, hurt and healing, betrayed and reconciled, mad and happy; it made my head hurt.
“Let me explain myself.” He pleaded.
I nodded my consent.
“Ivy Porter is not a private person. When she is going for a guy who is already in a relationship, she has to tell someone. And since she is Dallas’s neighbor, he always gets an earful from her. Today she called him, in Mexico, to tell him that she was going to steal Aaron Nicks. When Dallas messaged me today, he told me what she said. As soon as I heard that, I got on and tried to warn you.”
“Oh.” I said, letting it sink in. My tears had almost stopped.
“I’m so sorry, Lexie.” He said for the millionth time.
“It’s… okay.” I said, testing the words to see if they were true. “You did what you could.”
“No! That’s the thing. I could have done more!” He sounded ashamed.
“Like what?” I challenged.
He blinked. “Like…”
“See? There was nothing you could have done differently.” I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck.
“I still feel responsible.” He sighed. “But do you know what?”
“What?”
“I’m glad you found out this way. Wait… Not that you got hurt, but that you know. I used to get so mad at him. He treated you like garbage. But the part that made me the angriest was that you let him. But you stood up to him today. And I’m proud of you.” He bent down and kissed the top of my head.
A few minutes of silence followed.
“Paul-” I started, then stopped.
“Hm?” He murmured.
“Nothing. I was just wondering, since you’re Sagittarius91, you were the one who sent me the text message, right?”
“Mhmm.” He mumbled into my hair.
“Were you watching what was happening?” I knew I sounded hurt. I felt hurt.
“No! Why?” He sounded surprised by my question.
“Oh.” I felt relief wash over me. “Well because you sent me the text message at the exact moment I needed it. The timing was absolutely perfect.” I half smiled at the remembrance.
He minutely readjusted himself, making sure not to touch my shoulder. I was then more comfortably held against his chest, my right shoulder resting against him.
His arms were wrapped around my waist, his chin resting on my head.
“What do you mean?” His voice was raw.
“Well, Aaron was asking for forgiveness. I, ever the stupid one, was starting to let myself believe that he was serious. Then your message came, and it made me strong enough.” I thought for a moment.
“You know,” I added, “because of you, I was strong enough to stand up to Aaron.”
“Thanks. But what happened?” he persisted.
A shudder ran through my body.
“Sorry, never mind, Lexie. Honestly, it was a bad of me to ask.” He laid his head down on my shoulder.
“It’s okay.” I said, my voice shaking a bit. I couldn’t believe how shaken up I was about the whole thing.
“That may be, but still. Not tonight. You need to rest. Tomorrow, I’m gonna…” he trailed off.
“M´kay,” I mumbled.
He sat up, scooping me up as he stood up. I was amazed at how gentle he was; he never once hurt me.
He carefully laid me back down on my bed and sat beside me.
“Sweet dreams, Lexiebear. If you need anything, let me know.” He got up to leave.
“Don’t go.” I murmured, exhaustion washing over me, dulling all of the pain.
He hesitated, then sat on the floor with his head near mine.
“Just until you fall asleep.” He whispered.
I nodded and drifted off.
For the last time that night, I woke up for no apparent reason.
I sighed. I had been having a lovely dream.
I looked around quickly but didn’t see anything. I also saw that Paul was gone.
I saw a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye at my open window.
I opened my mouth to scream, but he was too fast.
Aaron jumped through my window and covered my mouth with his hand. He put a finger to his lips.
I shook my head and tried to bite his fingers.
He almost lifted his hand when I got a small piece of his skin between my teeth and bit down as hard as I could without drawing blood. That would have made me puke.
“Lexie, stop it.” He looked tired and worn out, and now angry.
I didn’t want him to hit me, so I stopped struggling. But I didn’t stop glaring.
“If looks could only kill…” I mumbled through his fingers.
A spark of anger lit his eyes.
“Are you going to behave?” He asked, putting a hand on my waist.
That made me furious. He knew he wasn’t allowed to do that.
I shook my head and started thrashing around, trying to scream. I hoped Paul and Daniel could hear me, otherwise I would be in big trouble.
“Lexie!” he hissed, clearly not sure what to do. “Please.” he softly whispered.
That made me stop abruptly. He never just said please like that. Never sounded so completely vulnerable. If he was just messing me, he was doing a damn good job, because I stopped moving and let him sit next to me.
He slowly took his hand off of my mouth, testing to see what I’d do.
I stayed quiet.
He then gently laid his hand on my stomach.
That I allowed.
But when he put a hand on my neck, I freaked out a little bit.
“Sorry.” He murmured quietly.
“What do you want?” I asked, sounding a little nicer than I had originally planned.
“I just wanted to talk to you about what happened today.” He said, his free hand reaching for mine.
I was amazed. Normally he would never have done that.
Maybe he was honestly sorry! Maybe he did really love me, and want me back! I started genuinely to believe him.
He leaned forward a bit, and the hand that was on my stomach slid down to my waist again.
I then had a vision of him sitting with his arm around Ivy’s waist.
“Paul!” I yelled, letting go of Aarons hand.
“What is your problem?” Aaron jumped up to the window, but when he had shut it when he first came in, he closed the safety latch and turned on the alarm. By opening it, he would call the police.
“Daniel!” I screamed as he lunged at me.
He covered my mouth with his hand.
“Lexie! Stop! I’m not going to hurt you!” he hissed, his head beside mine.
The door burst open.
Paul ran in first, saw Aaron leaning over me, and stopped dead in his tracks.
Daniel ran in after him, and forcefully bumped into him Paul, and staggered backwards a bit.
I had started crying again, and I turned my head towards the wall.
Aaron stepped back.
“Hey dude.” Aaron said coolly. “Lex here seemed upset earlier today, so I came to check on her.” He took a step closer to them.
I sat up and put a hand on my neck. I was willing them to not believe him.
Aaron kept talking.
“I think she was upset about Alice. Her boyfriend knocked her out the other day. She’s always upset after that. But don’t worry dude, I’ve got her under control. I have to calm her down again, so I’ll talk to her. Good night, guys.” He took another step closer to them, hinting for them to leave.
I snuck a glance at Paul, who was looking at Daniel.
Daniel looked shocked. I felt so guilty. Aaron was the only one I had ever told about Tom abusing Alice. And he just told Daniel, the person I specifically told him not to tell.
Paul was the first to speak.
“Look,” he said, “I don’t know what’s going on with everybody here. But I do know that something happened between you two tonight. Lexie has the marks to prove it.”
I realized that I still had my hand on my throat.
“And you broke into her room. And you covered her mouth with your hand. And she screamed for us, which means that something was wrong.” Paul was getting angrier.
Daniel still looked stunned.
“So, in conclusion Aaron, I would like it if you left this home right now, and you never come near here or Lexie again unless you have my good buddy Dan’s permission.” Paul walked up to my bed and faced Aaron, who was a few inched shorter than Paul. Aaron took an involuntary step backwards.
“Dude, I don’t want any trouble.” Aaron said, trying to sound brave.
“ ‘Dude’, you started trouble the second you laid a hand on her.” Paul said darkly.
“And ‘dude’,” Daniel said, closing the distance between him and Aaron in a few slow strides, “If you ever come near here again, you will regret it for as long as it takes for your broken nose to heal.” Daniel cracked his knuckles. “‘Dude’” He added mockingly.
Aaron looked terrified.
“Sure, no problem, du- man. I’m out.” Aaron nimbly dodged around Paul and Daniel and ran out of my open door.
I heard the front door open and then slam shut.
I was shaking and crying, and I felt like puking.
Daniel sat on the edge of my bed and Paul came and hugged me.
“Are you alright?” He asked. “Did he hurt you?” He stroked my hair.
“No.” I choked out.
Daniel put his head in his hands.
“Is it true? About Alice?” He whispered.
I nodded.
“Oh.” Daniel sounded like someone was strangling him.
“Danny, please don’t be mad!” I pleaded. “I’ve tried to get her to talk to someone about it. She won’t!” I took a deep breath. “You know how she is. She’s so stubborn.”
Daniel lifted his head.
“Where is he?” He said in a low voice.
“Dan, calm down. Think rationally for a minute. It’s one-thirty in the morning. Your parents aren’t home. You don’t even know how Alice would react!” Paul lightly gripped Daniels arm.
“Paul, he knocked my little sister out! What do you expect me to do?” My brother sounded pleading.
“Not kill him for starters. Talk to your sister about it. Seriously, she might not even testify against him. As Lexie said, you know how she can be.” Paul answered.
Daniel stood up.
“Paul?” I warily said as I watched Daniel pace around the room.
“Fine!” Daniel said, storming out of the room, leaving my door wide open.
Paul got up and followed him out.
I swung my legs over the bed. I had stopped crying, and the situation was starting to fully set in.
I honestly thought Daniel was going to kill Aaron and Tom.
I walked into the hallway, but didn’t hear anything. I went down the stairs and into the living room and didn’t see anything there either. I sat down on the couch and pulled a pillow into my lap to lean on.
A second later, I heard something behind me.
“Paul, I’m-“I started, turning around.
A shock ran through my body as Aaron stood up in front of me. I was too stunned to think, let alone to speak.
Aarons face was unreadable. He seemed to be devoid of emotions.
I put the pillow aside and he took a small step towards me.
“Aaron, please go away.” I said, my voice sounding weak and small, even to me.
His eyes became to look mean again.
“Daniel!” I screamed as Aaron jumped towards me. I jumped up and tried to run.
My pajama pants got caught on the corner of the coffee table, and I tripped and slammed my head into the wall.
Everything blacked out. ** (This is the point that endings change at)
When I came to, I didn’t know how much time had passed.
My room was dark, so I couldn’t see what time it was.
I was surprised to see that I was in my bed. Someone must have carried me here. My fuzzy blanket felt warm.
I must have been there for a while.
I reached over to my night stand and turned on my lamp.
The clock said 9:45.
Something exploded in my head.
Holy crap. I had slept through a whole day.
My cell phone beeped twice which meant I had a text message.
“i love u beautiful.”
I scrolled down.
“Sender: Aaron.”
I almost had a heart attack.
“how dare u, u insulting pig. do my brothers threats mean nothing 2 u? if u talk 2 me again, u’ll be sorry.” I messaged back with a catch in my throat.
I put my hand to my throat out of habit.
But it didn’t hurt.
I squeezed gently, but it still didn’t hurt.
How odd. Maybe these heal really fast, I decided.
I put a hand on my upper arm, and again, it didn’t hurt.
I poked my left shoulder, half expecting a stabbing pain.
Nothing.
I started to panic a bit.
What if I hit myself harder than I had originally thought, and I had been unconscious for like a week, and –“
My panicking was interrupted by another double beep on my phone. Another message.
“wat? ur brother threatened me? y? wat did i do? y cant i ever c u again? Sender: Aaron.”
This made me stop for a minute.
Why was he acting like this…
“Paul!” I yelled, hopping out of my bed and running to my door.
“Daniel!” I kept yelling, getting more and more frantic.
“Pau-“ I was knocked back by the door bursting open.
“Lexie!” Aaron ran over to me.
“No! Paul!” I screamed.
Daniel came running into the room.
“What the hell is wrong?” Daniel said, sounding panicky.
“Dan, I have no idea. She sent me a weird text, and I came here as fast as I could! I heard her screaming ‘Paul’ from outside in the front yard, so I didn’t bother knocking. Sorry, I-“
“Wait, what?” I said, cutting Aaron off. “Why are you talking to him? What’s going on? Where’s Paul?” I demanded, more confused than I had ever been.
“Paul? He’s in Peru. With his father. He’s been there for months!” Daniel looked concerned.
“I’ve been unconcoius for months?” I whispered, sinking to the floor.
Aaron caught me.
“No, stop.” I said weakly.
“What’s wrong with you?” Aaron asked, sounding scared. He put his hand on my forehead. “You’re burning up!” He exclaimed.
He picked me up and cradled me in his arms.
“No, Aaron, stop! I-“
“Aaron, what did you do?” Daniel sounded about as confused as I felt.
“Nothing! When we went out this evening, she was fine! I brought her home, and when I said goodnight, her cheeks were warm, but I didn’t think anything of it.” He kissed my forehead.
“What?” I whispered. “Where are mom and dad?”
“Just arriving in L.A. They’ve only been gone for a few hours. What's wrong?”
I looked at him in shock. “What?” I whispered again.
And then, it clicked.
Right at that moment, I realized:
It had all been a dream.
Forever only a shadow in my room.
Alternate ending
When I came to, I didn’t know how much time had passed.
My room was dark, so I couldn’t see what time it was.
I was surprised to see that I was in my bed. Someone must have carried me here.
I reached over to my night stand to turn on my lamp, but it wasn’t where it usually was. I light suddenly went on and I could see the clock.
It clock said 9:45.
Something exploded in my head.
This isn’t my room.
I saw a picture of Aaron as a small boy.
I started to freak out.
Aaron was kidnapping me.
I was laying in his room.
I felt someone sit on the edge of the bed. The movement made me realize that my head hurt like hell.
“Are you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned.
“Paul? What are you doing in Aaron’s room?” I was shocked.
“I brought you up here.” He said sounding confused.
Hurt exploded in my brain. He was in on it.
I felt the burn of tears in my throat.
My cell phone beeped twice which meant I had a text message.
“i love u beautiful.”
I scrolled down.
“Sender: Aaron.”
I almost had a heart attack. I looked up at Paul, who was walking out of the room…
What the heck was going on?
I shook my head to clear it, and decided to get something over with.
“how dare u, u insulting pig. do my brothers threats mean nothing 2 u? if u talk 2 me again, u’ll be sorry.” I messaged back with a catch in my throat.
I put my hand to my throat out of habit.
But it didn’t hurt.
I squeezed gently, but it still didn’t hurt.
How odd. Maybe these heal really fast, I decided.
I put a hand on my upper arm, and again, it didn’t hurt.
I poked my left shoulder, half expecting a stabbing pain.
Nothing.
I started to panic a bit.
What if I hit myself harder than I had originally thought, and I had been unconscious for like a week, and –“
My panicking was interrupted by another double beep on my phone. Another message.
“wat? ur brother threatened me? y? wat did i do? y cant i ever c u again? Sender: Aaron.”
This made me stop for a minute.
Why was he acting like this…
“Paul!” I yelled, hopping out of my bed and running to my door.
“Daniel!” I kept yelling, getting more and more frantic.
“Pau-“ I was knocked back by the door bursting open.
“Lexie!” Aaron ran over to me.
“No! Paul!” I screamed.
Daniel came running into the room.
“What the hell is wrong?” Daniel said, sounding panicky.
“Dan, I have no idea. She sent me a weird text, and I came here as fast as I could! I heard her screaming ‘Paul’ from outside in the front yard, so I didn’t bother knocking. Sorry, I-“
“Wait, what?” I said, cutting Aaron off. “Why are you talking to him? What’s going on? Where’s Paul?” I demanded, more confused than I had ever been.
“Paul? He’s in Peru. With his father. He’s been there for months!” Daniel looked concerned.
“What? That can’t be. I was just with him…” I felt strange.
“Where is he?” I whispered, sinking to the floor.
Aaron caught me.
“No, stop.” I said weakly.
“What’s wrong with you?” Aaron asked, sounding scared. He put his hand on my forehead. “You’re burning up!” He exclaimed.
He picked me up and cradled me in his arms.
“No, Aaron, stop! I-“
“Aaron, what did you do?” Daniel sounded about as confused as I felt.
“Nothing! When we went out this evening, she was fine! I brought her home, and when I said goodnight, her cheeks were warm, but I didn’t think anything of it.” He kissed my forehead.
“What?” I whispered. “No. I would never go out with you.” I said to Aaron. Turning to Daniel, I asked “Where are mom and dad?”
“Just arriving in L.A. They’ve only been gone for a few hours. What is wrong?”
I looked at him in shock. “What?” I whispered again.
And then, it clicked.
I was still asleep.
I gasped as my eyes flew open.
“Oh god. Dan! She’s up. Lex? Lexie? Are you there?” Paul was gently slapping my cheeks with the palm of his hand.
“Lexie?” Daniel came running at me and crushed me in his arms.
I gasped in pain
“Dan! Stop! You’re hurting her.” Paul pulled Daniel off of me.
“Sorry.” He said, on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” I rasped.
“We should be asking you the same thing. We left you for one second, and you ran downstairs and fell into the coffee table, the crashed into the wall. When we found you, you were hardly breathing. We thought…” Daniel’s voice cracked. “We thought you had broken your neck.” Tears were forming in his eyes.
I stared at him in shock.
Paul looked choked up.
“It’s been a pretty rough night, hasn’t it?” I said, getting up carefully and pulling both Daniel and Paul into a big hug.
Daniel buried his face in my hair.
A few minutes later, he looked up, a fire in his eyes.
“And it’s only going to get rougher.” He said, gathering up his energy.
“Lex, Paul, it’s time to get to the bottom of this. All of this.”
He flipped open his phone and dialed someone.
“Alice, please come home. We need to talk.”
Paul stood up and offered me his hand.
I took it and stood with his arm wrapped around my shoulder.
Daniel made a few other calls that night.
Alice came home, and they talked for hours about what was going on.
Tom was arrested for physical abuse. But I knew he would be back. The question was only when, and how bad would it be.
Aaron’s parents were notified about what he had done to me, and they were put in charge of his punishment.
I still feel bad for him. I guess guys whose fathers are boot camp instructors shouldn’t do stupid stuff.
That night, I learned a lot of stuff.
Things that seemed like such a big deal turn out to amount to very little.
I learned that some things happen just to become forever shadows in the room.
