Honestly, this is just getting ridiculous.
How much more homesick can I get? I didn't think it could get much worse, but every time I look at pictures from back home it gets just a little worse.
I feel like such a loser. And yet why can't I stop it?
Life recently has become a little bit of a chore.
I've been sick on and off since before Christmas, and it doesn't seem like it wants to go away.
Work, as always, is rough but not unbearable. I'm FINALLY down to only 8 properties, and I used to have 20. Does that seem excessive to you? Because it didn't to me. I thought I could take on more, and only since I've started backing off have I realized that I was pretty much killing myself over something that really wasn't going to get me anywhere in the long run.
Luckily, though, I have left all of my clients on good terms and now have some very valuable contact in my future life.
Which, by the way, hasn't begun yet.
I'm still waiting for the call or email telling me that I've got the part.
I've been assured that it's coming soon, that because we're in Mexico everything's later than they thought, but it's still nerve wracking.
But I was really, really thinking about it, and decided that I really wouldn't be super devastated if I didn't get it.
Like, it would suck because it's such a great experience, but I wouldn't be crushed.
I guess that I don't feel that I've been keeping my life on hold for this thing, so if I get it it'll just be a perk.
I've been keeping very busy with my daily life, but luckily, for the moment, it's tolerable. That little feeling in my chest every time I see home is starting to get tedious, but I feel like if I stop feeling that then I'll have lost something.
Iiiii don't know. I feel so contradictory.
And I wonder why I write this.
I know no one will read this. But maybe to remember this time?
Then why am I writing the negative? Why not focus on the good stuff in my life?
I guess I'm just silly that way.
I have to go to bed.
Tomorrow I have to focus on getting some accommodations set up for a team that I'm helping out in March.
Good Night, future.
Good Night, Moon.
And good night Mrs. Robinson, wherever you are :)
Kenzie
3 comments:
Homesick. I have been there. I am even kinda in there now.
The best I can figure is I am not feeling settled in now, and I can think of other places I would rather be.
I hope this makes sense. I didn't mean to intrude.
Homesick doesn't even begin to describe it.
I've been here for so long, away from 'real life0 for so long that I don't even know how I would get along in 'society' anymore.
So I suppose it's an active curiosity as to how i'll survive when I go back.
I most definitely have other places I would rather be.
We'll see when I can get to them.
Thanks for your input :)
You are most welcome!
I was in the military for 20 years, and now that my travels are over I have to wonder if this is my home. It’s where I kept my stuff, where my kids were raised, but it just doesn’t feel like this is where I belong.
When you go back, just be yourself. “Society” is an illusion. It’s a culturally accepted deception that keeps everyone at arms length. The worst thing you can do to yourself is become something you are not. It’s when we stop being true to ourselves that we become miserable.
Jeez… I am sorry for pontificating.
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