The shock is finally wearing off.
2009 is officially gone, and 2010 is here.
At first, I was all chill and like whatever, but now I have finally come to terms with everything: 2010 is a year of lasts.
Life as I know it is changing, and fast.
People that I've known for my whole life down here are leaving, and I'm going too. And as much as that excites me, it fills me with a tangible fear.
The fear and the certainty that life is never, ever, from this point on, going to be the same doesn't exactly sit well with me.
Everything that was 'normal' is being ripped apart right before my eyes, and the pieces have yet to start floating down.
It's kind of crazy, really.
This profound sense of loss is nothing new, and the assurance that I am neither the first nor the last to feel this takes some of the sting away.
But not all of it. Not even enough to keep the memories from starting to flood in, and the nostalgia to put her first foot in the door.
Just enough to make it seem ok, if only on the surface.
This New Years Eve was lamesauce.
Sickness taints joy, and tainted joy is only the echo of a laugh... or something along those lines.
I really wasn't able to enjoy it because of the impending doom of a business meeting with a grumpy client (which turned out quite well) at an ungodly hour.
But, whatever.
Lately I have been feeling extremely discontent.
Every time I see pictures of things back home, homesickness overcomes me.
Is this irrational? I think so.
But it still happens nonetheless.
I don't know exactly what I left behind, but all I know is that it's not here.
I feel terrible burdening my lovelies with this, because they're all going through their own drama, and mine is of no real consequence. But some days it's all I can do not to break down. Some days, I wonder where on earth my head is at, and I usually find it where I know it has no business being.
And yet that's life.
And I'm moving on.
Tonight was awesome.
I was hostessing a charity ball for the local orphanage, Casa Hogar, and had to pretend that I remembered a ton of people who, in reality, didn't stick out to me at all.
But I met this incredible woman, Ruth, and she was such an inspiration to me.
She's someone that I would love to be, and someone that some people think I am, but is someone I know that I'm much too selfish to be.
But I'll work on it.
And she's totally a door to Colorado for me. We'll have to see what God has planned for me this coming year. It's going to be interesting.
But the thing that I'm most interested in is my pending foray into the 'acting industry'.
On Thursday the 7th, Sarah Bachelder (a casting agent here in the Bay) called me at 7:15 pm and said 'Kenzie, you need to get your butt into a taxi and into Vallarta right now. Casting begins at 8.'
So I freaked out and got ready to go really quick, and hopped in a taxi, just as she said.
When I first got to the hotel Krystal where the auditions were being held, I was freaking out and nervous, and the concierge came up to me and was like 'Hey there, how can I help you?' and I quickly explained that I was there for the casting event, and he said that he didn't know what was going on.
After panicking for about 2 minutes, I walked into the lobby only yo find that there were cameras there and everything.
Thank you, useless Hotel man.
So I went and wandered aimlessly for a few seconds, and someone came up to me and was like 'Hey, are you here for the casting call?' and when I said yes, he was like 'Good, because you were going to be whether you knew it or not.'
lololol
I found that a little creepy.
So we sat down for a few minutes and chatted, and he told me his name is Renè, and he is the director of the show. After a few minutes of small talk, he asked me if I had any acting experience, and I told him about working on Dinoshark (by Roger Coraman) over the Spring, and he got really excited, and as it turns out, pretty much all of the crew got their start with Corman. So, you know, Kudos to me.
Then I went into the theater room with him, and he said that they were going to take some pictures of me.
Now, let me interject here to explain that I was wearing heels. I'm tall as it is, but with the 4 inch heels, I'm quite giant. And unfortunately, the camera men were.... short.
They were all commenting on how tall I was, and then one of the camera men said that he felt like one of Snow White's dwarfs.
And me, being me, got nervous and said 'oh, does this make you feel uncomfortable? I can take off my heels if it makes you feel better...'
I mean, they reached about just under my shoulders... so it was completely natural that I could have been making them feel emasculated.
Well, as I'm sure you can imagine, everyone got really quiet for a second then burst out laughing. Aaaaaand I almost died.
I said that I was sure that whatever they lacked in height they made up for in photography skills
A dear friend once asked me
¿nunca has considerado solo sonreir y no decir nada? (haven't you ever thought about just smiling and not saying anything?)
When I get nervous I say stupid stuff. I can't help it.
But I seemed to have made a good impression on (and possibly scarred) them. I had thought it went well, because they said that they wanted to find a part for me which will be in the whole season. They said that they'd call me when they got back to Vallarta in a week.
The next day Sarah called me and told me that they wanted me for sure.
I just don't know what's going to happen yet.
And that pretty much sums it all up!!
It was awesome.
So I guess this year is going to be interesting.
New year, new hurt, new love? I think it still applies.
So good night, my lovies, and I'll be sure to keep updating.
This could possibly be my only outlet. I'm trying to stop bugging people with my fickle concerns.
Happy New Year?
Maybe.
